Topic: It’s frightening, any moment I expect my fantasy to shatter…it’s Satan in a Sunday hat, but still I can hope that nothing will stop this.
Date: June 25th, 2019 Dear Diary I am at a loss of words…it’s difficult to imagine that I will never see the Volturi again because my soul mate Brian Jacobson has saved me from execution….from death and oblivion. We had left Volterra victorious; Aro had given his word that he would leave us be in peace. I had spent the entire trip sitting on Brian’s lap my head rested on his chest as he held me in his arms; his venom was burning me alive with his venom slowly neutralizing he poison inside me, I would have to feed off him again soon just to get more of the venom. Brian had spoke about the Cullen’s telling me all about them and of course Rosalie helped him giving her perspective of the events on how Bella met Edward and how the Volturi almost killed them all…the Volturi, they were meant to be law enforces, but in truth they’re death personified…they kill and destroy. I had listened to the story without speaking or interrupting, I was too tired to say anything, of course I wasn’t tired of living anymore…I no longer wanted death, I was just tired of the fighting I think…ever since I got pregnant life had been one big battle field, and I was fighting not just for my future, but Brian’s and Tobias…I valued their lives more than my own. I had closed my eyes and hid my face in Brian’s chest, I could hear him chuckle “I don’t remember you being this shy babygirl” he spoke as he stroked my hair, his touch it was soft and gentle and so exhilarating if my heart was still beating it would have stopped now, I felt this warmth inside me, it was the warmth only Brian brought out in me and I gasped in “Someone’s getting turned on by my sexyness” he spoke, if I was human I would have been blushing scarlet, He held me tight in his arms as I said nothing “hey you ok Sarah” he asked his voice was serious and it sounded slightly panicked I opened my eyes and looked at him “Just a little tired…im ok girl guide’s honor” Brian scoffed “Yeah right as if you were a girl guide” he retorted and I poked my tongue at him and smiled, for the first time I noticed there was something different about Brian’s eyes they were no longer Crimson, his eyes were different it they were golden. I wanted to ask him about it, but decided not to when I saw the look of worry in his eyes I knew he was worried about the poison in me, its strange that after all these years apart we are in sync with each other immediately we acted as one “It’s ok Brian…the venom will take out the poison…I think another two or three times and ill be fine…it will just take me some time to regain my strength.” I spoke softly watching those eyes of his. Brian nodded “Ok baby girl…when you feel you need let me know…I love it when you give me Looove Bites” he spoke emphasizing on love, I scowled at Brian he was such an arrogant punk….god I loved him for it, “hey you look like Tobias when you do that…in a flash Rosalie leaned in from beside Brian to look at me making me feel like some sort of science experiment “you know I think you’re right, she does look like Tobias, at first I thought he looked like you, but he definitely has Sarah’s scowl” she spoke, I thought back to the past remembering Tobias scowl from what I remembered Tobias scowling reminded me of Brian’s and now Brian and this Rosalie woman had told me that I looked like Tobias. I instantly felt jealous of Rosalie, not only was she a gorgeous woman, but she had seen my son and probably knew him better than me. I had looked from her and back to Brian “Tell me about him” I spoke softly, Brian had opened his mouth when Rosalie had started “Well Tobias is…” She was cut off by Emmett who was still driving “Uh babe I think she was asking Brian.” He spoke sounding amused, looking back at Rosalie I saw her look down disappointed “oh” she uttered softly and I looked back at Brian waiting eagerly. Brian had stroked my hair softly “Tobias is a good kid, he is quiet and gentle he has this is very curious by nature he just wants to understand everything he is a bit like you in some ways. He is precocious to the point it dumbfounds me that someone so young could be so smart. Tobias is sort of a nerd, he loves to read and learn new things…you wait and see babe you will love him babe and not just because he is our son.” Hearing Brian talk about our son I could hear the warmth in his voice and the love, the love was endless and just so bizarre I wasn’t used to hearing him speak like a farther…and I realized while my Brian was there, there was a whole other side to him. The trip was long, but eventually we had arrived to a small place called Ocean Shore, Washington the place was small, Brian told me that after he escaped with Kate and Garret they picked this place because it was so small and no one in either covens had come to this place before so it would be a perfect hiding spot. I didn’t really hear Brian speak about the rest…about leaving Tobias and Reneesme in the care of shapeshifters…all I was fixated on, was Tobias…he was here I was so close to seeing him again. It was already sunset when we arrived to Ocean Shore the door opened and I felt fresh air hit us I climbed out of Brian’s lap and stood up, my own weight felt overwhelming, but I managed…this poison sucks on major proportions, but I will survive it. Felix came to me to see if I was doing ok, Brian had shoved Felix away from me “Stay away from her you Volturi bastard…why did you even come with us, shouldn’t you be kissing Aro’s ass” I felt pretty anxious and scared I knew I should just step in and stop both of them, but I just felt so tired. I had found myself blindsided and felt someone’s arm entwined around mine I expected it to be Rosalie, but instead it was the short pixie one….Alice she smiled “how about we forget this macho mess and go to the beach” before I could say anything Alice had dragged me off and I managed to keep up. Behind me Kate, Bella and Rosalie joined us, “Don’t worry about Brian and Felix their just having their own little turf war” Kate spoke and I frowned, “How are you feeling Sarah” Bella had asked me, I looked at Bella from everything Brian told me with her troubles she encountered with the Volturi I sort of felt a kinship towards her, but at the same time I could feel a major difference between us, it’s hard to put my finger on the difference I guess the way she is like the sun, she is light and I am like the moon…I am darkness…don’t get me wrong I am not evil. Its just that’s how I am. I wonder if Bella could see the difference in us well obviously she could because no people are alike especially Bella and I. I watched Bella’s liquid gold eyes, the same as Brian’s “I…I just want to find some place quiet.” I mumbled not answering her question directly, it was awkward until the small one moved closer to me “This is so exciting” Alice spoke out her voice was musical “Yeah…I finally get to see my son” I spoke quietly, it wasn’t because I wasn’t excited I was, but I was pretty much too tired “Oh…yeah that too” Alice spoke, the short Cullen had my curiosity “wait. Why are you excited” I asked her with my voice probably sounded questioning, not that I was paying attention. Bella and Rosalie answered in unison “shopping” I frowned and listened as Kate laughed, Alice had put one hand on her hip “what…well she is going to need some clothing I mean it’s not like she packed a bag to take with her.” Of course Alice had made a valid point I didn’t have any clothing here except what I was wearing now. I didn’t want to go shopping at least not at this moment, I just wanted to find Tobias and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I loved him. “how about we go hunting” Alice suggested I nodded hunting sounded like a great distraction and I was really thirsty “that sounds good, I wouldn’t mind ripping open some throats” the three women just looked at me oddly, which gave me a flashback to high school it made me feel like the odd woman out “uh Sarah…we are vegetarians...we only feed on animals” Bella spoke softly, I blinked twice looking at them “you’re joking right” I asked and looked at them, the three females were quiet and I put the palm of my hand to my head I couldn’t help but think…Jesus Christ vegetarian vampires…you got to be kidding me...after that initial thought I couldn’t help, but get reminded of an old British Animated tv show I watched when I was younger it was called Count Duckula it was about a vegetarian vampire duck…yeah I know what you’re thinking and yeah I thought it was a shit show too. “fine…lets go hunt us some bambi…because after all why rid the streets of thugs when we can go orphan some baby deer’s” I complained, “I think you mean Fawns” Bella corrected me “Whatever” I retorted, seriously hunting animals….feeding off them I did not like it, why oh why couldn’t I think of a bullshit reason like the Jehovah witnesses and say feeding off of animals goes against my religious beliefs, just like it goes against my religious beliefs to vote…I honestly couldn’t believe this the four of us walked deep into the forest going to feed on some poor defenseless creature…we went through the forest walking the entire time Alice stayed by my side, my throat was burning agony we stopped when a deer came into view…it’s typical I knew it, it had to be a deer. I knew even in my weakened condition I could catch the peaceful creature, and it was thanks to Brian’s venom…before his venom the poison left me feeble and weaker than a human being…I am pretty sure I can get this deer. I began to run towards the deer, the beautiful creature had seen me and began to frolic away, I was ashamed to say I struggled, I ran after the creature as fast as I could, but I was sloppy I stumbled over and picked myself up, I ran and the scenery barely became a blur to me, how pathetic I couldn’t even catch a frolicking deer. I had fallen on my knees gasping “Damn it” I muttered. It was a second later Felix had appeared in front of me he had fallen from above like he was running on tree branches and jumped off to land in front of me, he was on one knee in front of me and had one hand on my shoulder “Sarah…are you ok” his voice was full of concern I had nodded my head “I am fine…where is Brian.” I asked him worried….Felix wouldn’t hurt Brian right….I mean Felix knows how much Brian meant to me, I could see a look of pain in Felix's eyes “He is going to find Tobias…prepare him for your meeting…I came to aid you in whatever you need assistance in.” I smiled at Felix as Bella and Alice approached “find me someone to feed off of please” Felix nodded as he helped me to my feet “I am no Heidi, but I will be back shortly Sarah” Felix was about to run off when Alice yelled stop and Felix did he didn’t even move “ If you hunted someone here you would bring to much attention to us after all Ocean Shores is a small town it’s population is only five thousand five hundred and sixty nine people. A death would bring up unwanted attention…besides Sarah the deer is closer, if you go after it, the sooner you can see Tobias” Alice had given her opinion personally I didn’t care about unwanted attention I was thirsty, but using my son…that was a low blow, I am starting to think this pixie is a little underhanded. “Fine get me the damn deer” I folded my arms. Felix had bolted off in a blur, and Bella had looked at me “Animals aren’t that bad really.” Bella had tried to reassure me, I felt bad for the fact an animal was about to die because of me. “you stick to you’re beliefs and I’ll stick to mine” I had spoken which surprised Bella “it’s wrong to kill people” I scoffed at Bella as my black eyes looked into her topaz liquid gold eyes “Humans aren’t exactly innocent creatures, they lie, they pollute the world and destroy the environment because of their own arrogance and the fact they value their own lives more than others…they kill for greed for lust, for sport…hell they kill for no reason at all…compare that to the deer over there, or any animal in general…they don’t set out to maliciously harm someone for no reason, they only hunt to survive.” I debated passionately and Bella seemed surprised at what I said as Felix returned with the dead deer “you value the lives of animals more than people” I don’t get why her voice sounded so surprised “Damn right I do” I retorted we looked at each other and the difference between us was huge. She probably believed in redemption that people could repent, but repentance bullshit…a murderer will always be a murderer, a thief will always be a thief, there is no magic time machines that can go back to the past and erase the sins we commit. The past is set in stone and it cannot be changed, it will always be there. I looked at the dead deer, Felix had held him out to me and I sighed taking the dead deer I felt it’s soft coat, it was still warm, I petted the dead deer and felt so guilty the fact this poor creature was dead, was because of me. I reluctantly sank my teeth into the dead deer and started drinking its blood, I felt the blood touch my tongue and wash down my throat, it was soothing to my throat, the blood tasted horrible though. I finished with the deer and panted “that tasted like crap” I mumbled, I had picked myself up feeling a little better and miraculously I hadn’t spilled a drop of blood on me, but then again it’s not really a miracle its more of a skill vampires soon gain…I am just that much of a proficient killer. I left Felix to deal with the remains of the deer and Alice helped me to the edge of the forest where the forest ended and the beach was across the road. The sun was almost set over the sea, the sky was dark, but mixed in with an orange kind of sky, it was beautiful in the distance I could see a beautiful teenage boy in the distance, his skin was a sort of like olive and Brown, he was beautiful he was standing there looking at the ocean, and I had one of those moments that if my heart was actually beating it would stop. I was so preoccupied I didn’t hear Brian come up from behind me. “Yes Sarah…it’s him” he spoke as if he was reading my mind. It was my son…he was so big, I stumbled back in shock and Brian had his arms around me, “I can’t do this…I have to leave.” I whispered in shock, I just couldn’t do it, how could I come into his life now…I thought I could make it up to him, sure I had missed out on a lot, and I thought at least I could see the rest…but looking at Tobias, I couldn’t explain it…he didn’t need me. Brian had his hands on my shoulders “what…no Sarah you can’t run…” he told me softly “you don’t understand…what if he hates me Brian, he should hate me…I am a terrible person… Brian…I am horrible, and I am a horrible mother…go tell him that you were playing some sick joke or something, I don’t know.” I spoke out upset; I wanted to cry so badly, Brian had shushed me “You and Tobias are a lot more alike than you think…I told him everything while you were hunting…the first thing he wanted to do was run, he was afraid that you would hate him.” I looked at Brian in shock I could never hate Tobias, even though I wasn’t a part of his life…I loved him so much it hurt. “I could never hate him” I whispered, I looked at Brian’s beautiful smile; god I hoped Tobias had that smile. “Well go and tell him that baby girl…our son is waiting for you” I kept my gaze on Brian “aren’t you coming with me” I asked him almost pleading he shook his head “as much as I want to baby girl…this is something you got to do on your own. I will stay here with Alice and the girls if you need me.” he spoke lowering his hands he pinched my butt and I scowled at him “oh yeah you will both defiantly get on like a house on fire.” I stomped on Brains foot hard and heard him cuss as I walked from him. I had crossed the street and my feet touched the sand, it felt nice having the squishy sand under my feet, the breeze was nice too. I had made it a few feet from Tobias and stopped as he turned around to look at me, I didn’t know what to say we just looked at each other in silence for what felt like a full five minutes. I had no idea what to say to him, its not like I could say hey son sorry I been absent most of your life, I sacrificed myself so you and your father could live a normal life…oh what’s you’re favorite color. I bit my bottom lip and I wondered what was going on in my son’s head “Will one of you say something already god damn it” Brian yelled out in the distance I turned my head to see Brian was still standing at where I left him and he was shaking his fist in the air, I scowled at him and saw Alice was laughing beside him “they really are the same” she spoke, I turned away from Brian to face my son and saw he was scowling at his father. I decided to give it a shot “uh sorry about you’re father…I have forgotten how troublesome he could be sometimes.” I spoke nervously “yeah you’re preaching to the choir mom.” He spoke back his voice was shaking with nerves, but I wasn’t paying attention to that at the moment. Tobias had called me mom….Mom, I had never heard such a beautiful word. I smiled at my son and he smiled back nervously “well there is ways to make him behave” I spoke softly, he looked at me curiously “how” he asked I loved how his voice sounded so curious so innocent, “easy all we need is a packet of fart bombs…we can stuff it in his car air condition before the bomb expands and blows up…that way whenever he turns on the air condition it will smell like something crawled into the car and died.” I looked at his expression “wait What…oh Hell no.” I heard Brian yell off in the distance. Tobias smiled and thank the heavens he had Brian’s smile “that is genius mom” he spoke softly he moved closer and I smiled it looked like I was winning his trust, “I haven’t even begun to pass on my knowledge and wisdom with you yet.” I told him my voice was barely louder than a whisper, damn my nerves. Tobias walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me, I gasped silently his skin was so soft and smooth, and warm, he was pale, but not like Brian or myself. I wrapped my arms around him “I always wanted to know you mom” he spoke “I always wanted to know you more Tobias” I spoke and wrapped my arms around him, I never wanted this moment to end, because to have my son’s arms around me. I could feel the eyes of Brian, Felix and the girls watching me and I pulled back from my son’s hug “how about we for a little walk along the beach…” We had walked away out of prying eyes and spoken, I didn’t tell Tobias much, I kept it to the truth as much as possible, telling him I had to leave for his own safety, to my surprise Brian had told Tobias about the Volturi just claiming they were evil collectors who collected special vampires with abilities, Tobias had made me promise never to leave him again and I promised him that I would always be with him. Eventually Tobias had to go to bed as it was 9pm and past his bed time, I had to argue with that I told Brian 8:30 pm is a bullshit bed time and let him stay up a little longer, to my surprise he disagreed and told Tobias to go to bed. I had stayed with my son answering as many questions as I could until he fell asleep. Tobias had asked me things like, what sort of music did I like and books. I answered my son and hugged kissed his forehead after he fell asleep and made sure he was an adorable boy…Brian did such a wonderful job with him, I honestly can’t wait for Tobias to wake up. ~Sarah
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
InfoSarah Amanda Frost Lived in a world alone and cold where there was no one she could count on or love. After meeting Brian Jacobson that changed she fell in love with him and eventually gave birth to his son Tobias, Sarah now fights in a world of darkness sacrificing herself for the safety of the ones she love. Sarah's Diary is written by Martin. Click here to read first entryArchives
March 2012
|