Topic: How do I begin to make amends to my brother, when it is my belief that he is robbing his true love of a normal life?
Date: March 22, 2006 Dearest Diary, It has been a few days since my last entry, the last time I have left you was with the fact that Bella was alive somehow she survived jumping off a cliff, now if I didn’t know any better I would have sworn she is like a cat she seems to have more lives than one, well I have found out how Isabella Swan has survived the leap of death I will get to that later. First I had to explain what went on while Edward, Bella and Alice were in Volterra. Carlisle called a family meeting The Denali’s attended naturally they are our cousins not only that, but we were a guest in their home. We all decided that it would be in the family’s best interest to return home…well most of us, I believed that Bella’s suicide attempt was not enough to change things, the girl could still pull through this, she could still be happy we could somehow warn Charlie of Bella’s self endangerment. Carlisle disagreed, he told me “Edward’s actions have set events in motion, we have no choice, but to return to Forks Rosalie” He went on into the standard we are family speech, I think I have moaned about Carlisle gift for guilt trips before so there is no need to tell you again. Emmett and everyone was packing while I noticed Irena still concerned about Laurent she still wasn’t feeding properly I could tell from how dark her eyes were. She was torturing herself by not feeding properly, the burning in her throat must be intense. I looked at my cousin and remembered how talk from four days ago….ha only four days ago it feels so much longer, it feels like its been a year instead. We were all packed and I went to say good bye to my cousins, every one had already left with the exception of Emmett and myself, I looked at Irena and went to hug her “have faith everything will turn out for the best.” I told her, Irena looked down and I lifted her chin with my finger “come on Irena remembered what I told you, Irena be strong and have faith in Laurent” she nodded her head weakly with one last hug I let go of Irena and left I climbed into the car with Emmett and decided to let him drive. we left the Denali’s and for there was nothing, but silence it was just the two of us Emmett had turned on the radio and I turned it off, I wasn’t in the mood for music, and talk back radio of course Emmett must have been because he turned the radio on again and I turned it off and he pulled over to the side of the road, he turned his head to look at me and I looked at him “come on babe cheer up, no one is blaming you, not Carlisle, not Esme. Why are you punishing yourself.” He asked me. It was true Carlisle and Esme did not blame me, I expected anger….no I wanted anger I wanted them to hate me for my stupidity and recklessness that I had put the life of not just my brother, but my sister in risk. If something happened to Edward or Alice it would be my own fault, because it was I who had set things into motion, by telling Edward that Bella had committed suicide, I had jumped to conclusions and it was because of my rash actions that Edward had decided that death was the only option for him was to seek death…when I think about his actions now it doesn’t make sense to me, Edward seeks death, but why it’s not like he could reunite with her. Edward believes that he as a vampire has no soul, so when he dies he would go to hell….so by Edward’s beliefs he wouldn’t rejoin with Bella…his death would be meaningless how he could not see this… I guess that’s how grief is, it clouds all reason from the logic of your mind, to the feelings in your heart. Grief makes you do foolish and reckless things; because your mind and heart are out of sync at least that’s my theory of it. Emmett and I sat in the car and we spoke, eventually Emmett undid my seat belt and pulled me into his lap, he hugged me and I rested my head on his broad shoulders and closed my eyes, I felt a wave of bathe over me relieving me from all the pain of my involvement in this matter I knew the peace I felt would not last long, I did not deserve peace in fact I deserve every horrible thing. I pulled back “I am all better now Emmett thank you” I told him and leaned in to kiss his lips for just a brief moment I climbed out of Emmett’s lap and sat in the passenger side of the seat. Emmett started my car and drove on, I have to admit the road trip back to Forks was a little easier to bare. I felt the wind blow against me my long blond hair blown back from the wind each strand of hair dancing from the breeze. I looked at Emmett and smiled thanking the heavens above for blessing me with this man who has made immortality bearable. Emmett turned the Radio on again and the song that was playing shocked me, It felt like I was slapped in the face with such force. The song playing on the Radio it was Independent women by Destiny child….this song as I have told you this was Alice and my jam song…I smiled for a moment remembering the drive to the Denali's from the shopping trip Alice and I were singing this together of course she would always sing the notes higher that sister of mine she always had to do things her own way she is a stubborn one that sister of mine. Thinking of Alice made me feel a conflicting warmth and joy and sadness I feel joy because I am lucky enough to have a sister who cares, a sister who would never abandon me for a best friend and would always want the best for me and wish me well in life, It’s true Alice has grown close to Bella and I did feel that she had abandoned me, but I realized she didn’t abandon me…I was so envious and Jealous of Bella that I couldn’t see past the layers that was Alice…she just wanted another friend and sister, it didn’t mean she didn’t love me I couldn’t see that till now It has taken me now this life and death situation where I could loose not just my big brother, but my sister too…and this is why I feel sadness because of me everything is out of whack, Alice should be sitting in the back seat with Jasper, I could see us now as soon as this song came on we would have been singing along Alice singing in a higher pitch of course, but still It would have been amazing. It was half way through the song before I snapped back into reality and out of my head, I leaned down to the radio and changed the station Emmett looked at me concerned and I poked my tongue out at him, he chuckled and I smiled weakly. The song that came on was surprising it was almost as if it was fate the song was called Heavily Broken by the Veronica’s I had to admit I felt like I could identify with the song. I listened to it in silence and the song finally ended. Emmett looked at me while he drove my car “eyes on the road Emmett” I spoke smiling, he looked at the road and he asked me what was on my mind, I thought about it and for that moment all that was on my mind was Emmett, I felt horrible that I was being so needy how I was only thinking of myself as usual. Of course this must be tough for Emmett and everyone else too, it was at that moment I kept asking myself why I couldn’t be a pillar of strength like Esme. I decided try and be like Esme “Only you are on my mind Emmett, tell me how are you what are you thinking.” Emmett seemed surprised he looked to the road and I could see that rare serious expression on his face “I was actually thinking how grateful I am to jasper for stopping you Rosalie…the thought of you being any where near the Volturi it frightens me…I know they aren’t villains that they uphold the law, but I am scared I am going to loose you…and if we went to Volterra to try and help we probably would have gotten hurt or killed….you could have gotten killed Rosalie.” He spoke the concern in his voice was so alarming. I knew I had to reassure him, to see Emmett so concerned so worried it was an injustice to the world, he is my sun he gives me warmth. “Emmett it’s alright.” Before I finished he interrupted me “no Rose it’s not, I can’t live without you babe the thought of seeing your beautiful body damaged to see that beautiful light leave your eyes…it would destroy me rose.” I was so touched by him, the way he was concerned for me, Royce would never have been that concerned for me. I smiled “sorry Emmett your stuck with me for life with no possible chance of parole” I lifted my statuesque hand pointing to my wedding ring Emmett gave me the night he proposed for the first time. He looked at me and chuckled “well it’s a good thing the warden is so sexy” I laughed, and as my hair blew back from the wind I smiled “Emmett you know if something ever did happen to me…I just want you to know I would still be with you, even in true death…I will never leave your side” Emmett looked at me “that’s the same I feel about you babe how about this…Ill watch your back and protect you and you ca watch my back so we can look after each other from harm….that way we will never have to worry about loosing each other.” Emmett suggested to me. I smiled “babe I been watching your back since day one, look at that fine ass I could just slap it.” I spoke playfully trying to get him to laugh and I was successful “well maybe later you can punish me, I have been a naughty boy.” My smile grew wider and if I could blush my cheeks would have probably been a rose shade red. I felt that warm feeling inside and I realized everything would be fine, because I have Emmett and he is my life my entire life and he was safe, because he is with me. As for Edward, Bella and Alice I just have to believe they will come back safely, Alice she is a smart woman and those two combined are formidable, Jasper doesn’t know this, but Alice and Edward have this way of communicating with each other. I don’t know the full system of it all that well, because I have only noticed it a few times usually I'm distracted by Emmett or just trying to keep my thoughts simplified. I of course feel terrible for my part in this ordeal, but for now I should just be with Emmett, because I know he is worried about Alice, Bella and Edward too he is just putting on a strong front for me, I bet he thinks that if he acts casual Ill relax. I sighed quietly as Emmett drove and I closed my eyes, the sun was setting I opened my eyes to look at the snow on the side of the road, and had this random thought about how pure it was I don’t think I have ever seen dirty snow…one day maybe I will. I looked back at the big orange sunset and put on my shades, The radio stopped playing adds and another song came on it was Iris , by the Goo Goo Dolls I acted on impulse and undid my seat belt and I stood up and climbed onto the passenger seat where I was sitting I breathed in the ice cold air and tasted how fresh it was, the air around these parts were unpolluted I smiled and danced to the music my hair was blowing against the wind forcing my hair to flow like a river of hair. I leaned down to pick up my scarf and held it out I could feel the wind pull back the scarf as it danced along with my hair at the same time I moved with the music and felt free, closing my eyes I moved my arms out and I felt the wind against me, I felt like I was flying so free and unrestrained. Opening my eyes I saw the sun continue to set and I let go of my scarf allowing it to get blown off by the wind to dance a beautiful dance of soaring freedom. The wind will let the scarf fly for just a little while…lucky scarf. I sat back down “Hey I wanna try that babe.” Emmett spoke he undid his seat belt and started to move “NOT WHEN YOUR DRIVING NOT WHEN YOUR DRIVING!” I shouted alarmed, it’s not like we would get hurt or anything, but the fact is I loved this car it was a beauty. Emmett chuckled at me “your sexy when your alarmed” I scowled at Emmett for a moment “actually that look is sexy too babe” I rolled my eyes up “yeah yeah Emmett.” I told him in disbelief. Much to my joy we finally made it back to Forks…we were home, we had removed everything from storage and started to unpack everything setting up our home, we had accomplished that fast Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Emmett and myself. It gave us something to do other than to worry about Alice, Bella and Edward. It had only taken us a little more over an hour to get everything set up perfectly, I was obsessed with my room and Jasper received a phone call, in a flash we were around jasper nervous about what would happen, the phone call was a few moments long, when it ended jasper told us the news “it’s ok their coming home….all of them.” I gasped with relief and turned to hug Emmett who was standing behind me, Emmett had lifted me up and spun me around “see babe I knew it would be alright.” He lowered me onto the ground and I hugged him tight they were safe and that’s all that mattered to me. Jasper had gone on to tell us that they were catching a plane back and we of course went to greet them, Esme, Carlisle and Jasper went in to the airport to greet Alice, Bella and Edward, I wanted to do the same too, but I felt so ashamed I couldn’t bring myself to going in, So I ended up waiting in the underground garage, Emmett waited with me naturally he knew was my pillar of support and he was too good for me I knew that. I waited with Emmett leaning against the black sedan I felt relieved that my brother and sister was safe, but so horrible that I was the cause of this entire ordeal. “Come on babe lighten up what’s the worse that could happen, you know Edward, he will only stew in this for one maybe two hundred years tops.” I looked at Emmett he was trying so hard to lighten the mood, still apart of me wanted to stomp on his foot because how I felt was just something no humor could relieve. I saw the group had finally arrived, I looked at Isabella it looked like she had gone through hell, she was barely standing and she was paler than usual, she seemed to perk up a little when she saw me, but still she looked ghastly, when I saw my brother Edward I could see him stiffen up a little and I knew this was bad, I could hear Esme whisper to Edward “Don’t she feel’s awful” Edward looked at me with loathing his gaze was icy “She should” he had spoken with no attempt to hide it, I couldn’t stop myself from flinching as he spoke. I had begun to look down when I heard Isabella defend me, I Looked at her in awe I had treated her so poorly, ignored the human like she had the plague and even placed her life in mortal peril and yet here she is defending me with her words “It’s not her fault” I couldn’t help, but think “yes it is” Esme pleaded with Edward to allow me to make amends and I truly did want to make amends. My thoughts were unintentionally screaming for the chance to make amends I was going over my apology in my head so many times, that it didn’t occur to me Edward could hear my thoughts. Edward had glowered at me and I flinched Bella had spoken again and Edward had caved in to it. Emmett and I climbed into the front of the Sedan and waited for Bella and Edward to come in. I did my seat belt up and looked in the review mirror, Emmett was driving again, but I wanted to see Bella and Edward. Edward had pulled Bella close and the engine of the car purred like a kitten “Edward” I spoke, before I could continue he had cut me off “I know” he spoke in that tone of voice I had hated, I had previously noticed ever since Bella came along that Edward seemed to use that tone on me a lot. I had to make amends to Bella and I only hoped that the words I felt were sincere enough for her to believe me “Bella” I spoke The human’s eyes shot wide open as if for a split moment she was wide awake, I gathered up my courage not knowing how long the poor thing could stay awake “I’m so very sorry, Bella I feel wretched about every part of this and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did please say you’ll forgive me” Bella of course being a better women than I forgave me in a heart beat. I felt relieve wash over my body and Emmett oh that Emmett naturally he had to open that mouth of his “it doesn’t count until she’s conscious, rose” I glowered at him and I could hear Bella defending herself. We had dropped Bella off at Charlie’s and he was very upset which was completely understandable, He had forbidden Edward to set one foot into his home and to stay away from Bella. We had all gone home with the exception of Edward I think he went hunting or possibly sneaked into Bella’s room Alice had explained the entire situation to us, everything that went on with the Volturi including the news, Bella had to be changed it was the law of the Volturi, I didn’t like this at all….I didn’t want Bella to become a vampire…the girl deserved a long and happy life to become a wife then a mother…..eventually a grandmother… she deserved that. She didn’t deserve being stuck in time. I looked down and felt Emmett’s arms around me, It was evening when Alice told us she had a vision, Bella had made a decision that was going to affect us all she was coming to the house and she was going to call a vote…A vote that would decide the outcome of our lives would we turn Bella and obey the law of the Volturi or would we defy the law and fight for this human child’s life. The vote of course had come, and Apart from Edward I was the only one who voted no…I did not do it out of spite and I made sure to explain my reason’s behind it…if I had a choice, I would have chosen no…Carlisle told Bella he would change her after graduation since Edward refused to do it. After she left we spoke about the events a great deal, Alice and Esme seemed excited about the whole thing, “with Bella living with us I can dress her up when ever I want so many outfits and she will have no where to run or hide” typical Alice and they call me the shallow one, I rolled my eyes up and went to my bedroom, I didn’t really feel like listening in on Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle celebrating they all thought this was a good thing. So I came to you my dearest diary to catch you up in the event’s that has happened, and as I write to you now I realize it’s funny the only other person who agrees with me hates my guts it’s all bizarre, anyway I am going to go now and see if their all still talking about Bella’s death date….hopefully I can steal Emmett away and take him to that old shack and have some alone time. ~Rosalie Hale
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InfoRosalie Lillian Hale In 1933, Rosalie was transformed into a vampire by Carlisle Cullen after being raped and beaten to the brink of death by a group of drunken men, including her fiancée Rosalie's diary is written by Martin. Fan Page
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