Topic: To protect him, I would kill without hesitation. Date: Saturday May 19th, 2006 Dearest Diary, It has been a while since my last entry, many things have happened and I feel that I must inform you on the events that have been happening not just to vent my frustration, but to gain clarity and perception on my own thoughts. After my last entry I realized that I was seeing things from my own perspective so after putting you away I went out to join my family and observed their celebrations as I told you in my last entry they celebrated… well Alice more than the rest she found herself a new Barbie doll to dress up. The difference was that this time instead of just glancing at my family before excusing myself to come to you I watched them carefully. I tried to put myself in their shoes, to see from their eyes and understand their thoughts. This was very difficult for me and I fear that I haven’t been able to completely see things from their side…I can understand that they want Edward to be happy he has been alone for so long now, and I could understand and empathize with the depths of despair Edward felt, after all I went through that too until I had found Emmett, I know Edward felt that dark void inside him and how it only grew and grew, he felt no joy…it was either a numbness where he felt nothing or it was agony…agony where you wanted to cry and cry your pain, but he couldn’t because when you’re a vampire you cannot cry. Edward could be surrounded by us and he would still feel alone. to feel so empty and dead. I thought I was the only one who could understand Edward’s pain, but after watching my family I realized they understood Edward’s pain and how Bella eased that pain to make his existence bearable. I think that’s all they really care about, of course they have concern for Bella's safety, but mostly it has to be the joy that she brings Edward, The problem is Edward’s joy comes at a price a price that is much too high for Bella to pay she would have to give up her friends, the love of her father…her mother the woman whom raised her and any possibilities of ever having a child perhaps she does not wish to have a child now, but someday she will want one more than anything and it will be impossible for her just like it is for Esme and I. She will forever be frozen in time unable to complete the eternal cycle in a natural way…she will never die and be reincarnated if such a thing exist. I tried my best to watch my family in silence for as long as possible, not participating in their small celebration and eager chatter amongst themselves. I Felt left out and excluded, which instantly I regreted when Jasper glanced at me. I instantly stood up and left the room as gracefully as possible, I made my way to the roof where I watched the sky, as expected Jasper joined me after a few minutes. The silence between us was awkward Jasper was reading my emotions and I hated it. One of the many things I hated about being a vampire is how Edward and Jasper had abilities that invaded my privacy, I hate how Edward could read my thoughts, and Jasper could feel my emotions and know what I feel…I am big on personal privacy if you were me you would be too...I don’t really like people touching me unless it’s Emmett I have a lot of trust and faith in him. Diary I don’t think you will ever truly understand how important Emmett is to me, I have feelings for him that is so powerful it transcends words, I believe when you love someone enough you get this way of communicating without speaking it’s like our hearts communicate to each other…Emmett knows me better than anyone, Just as I Know him. I know Emmett wanted to be with me now, he wanted to try and make things easier for me, but he knows that I needed time to think of course Jasper didn’t realize that, he could sense and manipulate my emotions if he wanted to, but he didn’t know the thoughts behind my emotions. I glanced at Jasper and he smiled that shy kind of smile he had and he spoke “you’re troubled Rosalie…what’s on your mind.” He asked, Jasper’s voice was always soft and quiet, it wasn’t like my Emmett’s voice where joy and laughter ring from every syllable Just thinking about my beloved Emmett makes me crave him desperately. “I am always troubled Jasper…maybe you could help me, why don’t you tell me what my emotions are Jasper” I asked him as calm as possible, he seemed to be surprised “your emotions their not just confusing to you, but to me too, I sense so much emotion from you it’s overwhelming I sense that your frustrated as if no one could see from your view, perhaps because you fail to truly understand the views of those around you…that frustration is turning into anger and it’s troubling you. You feel excluded Rosalie and its hurting you…you feel confliction too because you want Edward to be happy, but what he is doing to Bella is wrong because it’s stealing her humanity and everything a human life has to offer…you’re also jealous of Bella and you hate it.” I didn’t let jasper finish I shot him a look of fury and he shivered for a moment and I looked away from him to look forward “well…I must be as easy to read as a book” I spat bitterly and regretted it the moment the words escaped my lips, I hated being vulnerable in front of my family it always made me feel weak. After inhaling a deep unnecessary breathe of air I apologized and asked Jasper how he felt on the whole Bella situation and why Jasper’s answer just left me surprised “It would be nice being around Isabella without the urge to drain her dry…on the plus side Edward would be happy too…I like happy Edward he doesn’t become a part of the furniture.” Jasper’s answer it’s so noble and simple unlike my own thoughts the thoughts that were so complex, confusing and frustrating. Jasper interrupted my reflective thoughts by telling me “The whole ordeal with Edward, Bella and the Volturi... it’s not your fault Rosalie… it’s mine, it was my weakness that caused everyone such pain that almost destroyed our family…my apologies for the pain this has caused you.” Jasper had blamed himself as much as I have if not more…I couldn’t let Jasper shoulder this blame. I smiled and wrapped my arm around him pulling him in “you have nothing to be sorry for Jasper.” I told him with a reassuring smile, I don’t want my family to suffer…I love them too much to see them suffer, Jasper seemed to smile and I thanked him, he asked me why I was thanking him to which I replied “for caring enough to comfort me you really are the charmer in the family aren’t you Mr charisma” I joked, Jasper smiled and you know seeing Jasper smile was a treat, because you just got this warmth from him. It’s the very essence of love itself…at least that’s what I believe. After our conversation we went back to join the others. I went with Emmett and hugged him, he wrapped his big strong manly arms around me and I felt safe, and oh goodness I felt that spark I always felt with Emmett. To humans our skin is hard like marble and ice cold, but that’s because we are two different species, but Emmett and I are the same species so to me his touch was soft, the sensation of his touch, it made my skin tingle with anticipation. Emmett ever so gentle stroked my bangs from my face and leaned in to kiss me on my lips, I could feel his soft lips pressed against mine and all my troubles and thoughts melted away at least for a little while. I thought things would settle down, granted the hound dog Jacob Black threatened Edward about the treaty reminding Edward to our agreement….Honestly that mongrel has some nerve, how dare he remind us, we know full very well of the treaty we were there and we made it that stupid infant is here on our land threatening us I honestly hate the mutts. Edward informed us of the situation and I asked Carlisle what he intended to do now, he had no answer…I knew he still intended to change Bella. Perhaps I am over thinking the whole Quileute, Edward and Bella situation, maybe with Bella’s luck a falling meteor would come and send the wolves into oblivion while she is visiting them…you may question the statistical possibilities, but that’s only because you haven’t met Bella the human is a one woman disaster zone. A few days after the whole vote and threat incident there was something interesting in the paper, there is trouble in Seattle…people have been vanishing in peculiar ways and others turning up dead…these events aren’t the type of thing a human would do…It’s a vampire thing, Jasper confided in me and he has two theories the first is a newborn…the second, well its horrible to even contemplate, someone is creating a newborn army…an army of newborn vampires something I believe to be unforgivable. Jasper is firm in his theory about this and I trust his instincts on this, the truth about Jasper he has experience with newborns and an army, Jasper was once a confederate solder, perhaps the youngest in it’s history. One night he happened to come across three foul low some little trolls who thought Jasper would be useful because of his military rank…they changed him and turned him into a vampire…after raising Jasper from the hellish newborn years they started to build an army using Jasper and his talents…so you can see Diary that my brother is very knowledgeable in this field. Edward decided not to tell Bella about it right away, he doesn’t want her to worry, I disagree with this choice of his, but last thing I wanted to do was give him even more reason to loathe me…speaking of Edward, I am glad he is alive and safe so very glad…we may not get along all the time, but he is family I love Edward and would never wish him harm…recently however he is beginning to annoy me, well it’s not Edward just his actions. He wants to protect her from the danger around her, but at the same time he is the one putting her in danger. Vampire and human relationships don’t work out because vampires have at tendencies to I dunno…eat their lovers…see I can see a possible ending to this little star crossed lovers tale, Edward loses it and drain’s Bella dry then what, we leave forks for the next one hundred years, in best case scenario Edward would hate himself for eternity the worst case scenario he goes all suicidal approaching the Volturi again. There is something else that I need to tell you diary. Four days ago Alice had one of her visions she saw Victoria returning to Forks, Alice described her vision so vividly she saw Victoria running through the forest the wind was against her as she ran her long flaming red hair was pushed back leaving a few strands of her red hair floating towards the ground she had previously ran across. Edward of course knew about the vision as soon as Alice had it thanks to his ability to read minds he witnessed Alice’s vision first hand. After school Edward informed us of the vision, he is keeping it from Bella naturally. He has a plan and is carefully going over the details; Alice has been helping him out by seeing the outcomes of the plan. Finally Edward came up with a solid plan, he was going to get Bella to use the plain tickets Esme gave her for her birthday Edward is going with bella to protect her…All in all I got to say the plan was solid and it worked. Bella and Edward were out of Forks, that left us hunting down Victoria oh joy that’s exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday afternoon chasing down a woman scorned by my brother’s human girlfriend….yes diary I am using sarcasm and once you find out what happened today you will understand. We hunted Victoria, we were following the fast witch and she had speed it was all going according to Alice vision, but there was something Alice could never predict we weren’t the only ones hunting Victoria, little did we know on the very boarders between our land and the land of the Quileute’s that the pack of flea bitten mongrels were chasing after Victoria from their side. We both ran after Victoria and just when we thought we had her she went towards the Quileute land. She pounced over the boarder and into No man’s land a land that was agreed to be neither Quileute nor ours. Emmett, my brave, courageous, Emmett followed after in a plunge trying to get Victoria. One of the wolves had the nerve to attack Emmett; I stopped and stood there in shock watching that freak mongrel on top of Emmett, I ask myself even now how could an eternity pass within a second, that’s how it felt I stood there in shock watching my very reason for my existence life be placed in jeopardy and then a flash back came to me one that happened so many years ago, after the treaty was made. I could remember Edward telling me that their first target would have been Emmett, because he looked to be the strongest and most threatening… they were wrong it was me they needed to look out for, because if they killed Emmett I would not only kill each one of those mongrels, but I would walk to La push and unleash a deathly fury that they could never imagine before I in turn destroy myself. What felt like an eternity, was only a few seconds? “Emmet!t” I screamed out, my body reacted on it’s own as I ran and leaped into the no man’s zone I picked up that mongrel sinking my fingers into it’s furry coat and flesh and tossed him off my Emmett, and for the first time since my newborn years I snapped I crouched standing in front of Emmett who was still on his back I was hissing out and I could feel the venom drip from my mouth, my golden eyes went pure black as I felt my burning rage and the burning in my throat consume me. I was determined to slaughter those bastards all of them, they had to die I stood upright and moved upright, the pack became alert, but before I could get close to them I could feel someone grabbing my left and right arm. I looked to see Esme on my left and Alice on my right. Carlisle jumped down and stood in front of me his back was turned to me and he was trying to negotiate with those mutts. “Let me go I’ll kill them all, NO ONE TOUCHES MY MAN….I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOU ALL YOU HEAR ME STARTING WITH THE MUTT THAT DARED ATTACK MY EMMETT” I screamed out I was still moving forward, Esme was trying to calm me, she had one hand on my arm trying to hold me back with Alice while another hand on my cheek she was speaking softly saying “it’s ok Rosalie…Emmett is fine, calm down shhhh it’s going to be fine.” I flinched at Esme's touch, she was wrong she knew nothing, it wouldn’t be fine…they were out to hurt my Emmett, they had the balls to do what their ancestors couldn’t they were trying to take my soul mate from me…my reason for existing if I could cry I would be in an ocean of tears while I tried to get to those mongrels to rip them to shreds. It was obvious Esme and Alice couldn’t hold me off for much longer as I could hear Alice speak “Jasper some help” But before jasper could do anything I felt it…that spark as Emmett’s arms wrapped around my waist he lifted me off the ground holding me in that bear hug of his from behind. Alice and Esme let go and Emmett pulled me back telling me to calm down that he was fine I felt his lips on my neck, as he gently kissed me to try and reassure me. Emmett couldn’t do it though he couldn’t calm me down not this time. “You Put me down this instant, I am not done with those FLEA BITTEN MUTTS NOT BY A LONG SHOT” I yelled out for their benefit, Carlisle turned his head over his shoulder to look at me, he could see I was traumatized by it and I could see it on his face he was worried about me…I didn’t care I only wanted to kill them, I wanted to slit their necks with my nails. I wanted to bite into their flesh and pull out chunks of flesh…sure I would spit out fur balls for a week but it would be worth it. Emmett placed his chin on my shoulder and held me eventually Carlisle calmed them down. Carlisle came to check on me and I couldn’t look at them…thankfully they left and once everyone was gone Emmett let me go I turned to look at him I wanted to cry so much I looked at him he had that grin on his face, that grin he would put on to get out of trouble I made a first and banged my hand on his chest as he grin “Don’t you pull that get out of jail grin on me Emmett you scared me” I banged on it over and over until he wrapped his arms around me again to reassure me and I sobbed in his arms. I couldn’t cry but I sobbed, he stroked my hair and reassured me that he was fine and he was sorry he scared me. We stood in the no man’s zone for so long until I could muster up the strength I needed, we went hunting before returning home I kept quiet, once we returned home I went to my room and sat alone I was still traumatized by it…Emmett joined me and he wrapped his arms around me holding me and I asked him not to let go I needed him now oh god how I needed him. We sat there in silence, well mostly Emmett was chatting he kept saying sorry and promising he would never leave me I looked down at my wedding ring and remembered my life with Emmett, all the wonderful and magical times we had together and hopefully still will have…what happened today was because of Bella, she kept putting her life and the life of those who I love in danger…she couldn’t see how much she was hurting everyone that selfish human…I was thankful Edward wasn’t here, because for the first time in my immortality I had an evil thought…if Emmett died because of Bella I would kill everyone who contributed to his true death….even Bella. I will never understand why Bella wants’ this life, Perhaps many humans would see vampirism as a gift something wonderful and enlightening, but I see it as a true curse, being a vampire I have a very very long and clear memory, for the rest of eternity I will have to live with just how close I came to loosing my Emmett, and I will carry this day and that fear with me forever….but my resolve has only strengthened, I must try and change Bella’s mind and save her from this life curse.. All life has value; she deserves to have her life free from conflict free from violence and full of wonderful human experiences. I need to go now…I need Emmett god I really need him. ~Rosalie Hale
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InfoRosalie Lillian Hale In 1933, Rosalie was transformed into a vampire by Carlisle Cullen after being raped and beaten to the brink of death by a group of drunken men, including her fiancée Rosalie's diary is written by Martin. Fan Page
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