Dear Diary,
Breaking Leah's heart was the last thing I wanted to do. I love her I really do, but its just not enough anymore. I wish I could have told her why, that was the hardest part. The life that I was born into, was a life I would have never chosen. Had things been different I would have probably stayed with Leah. Now I had Emily. The girl I imprinted on. I've heard of imprinting from the elders. They had said it was a myth, but I guess they didn't know any better. When I saw Emily on the beach it was like my life was dim and she brought the light. She was the gift I didn't know I wanted. The past two weeks that I didn't see Leah I was with Emily. Yes, I know its wrong but I had to know her. I need her, I needed to make sure she was ok. When I made her laugh and my heart skipped a beat I knew that my life was circled around making her laugh that beautiful laugh of hers. Although we hung out those two weeks I knew that it was killing her to see her cousin hurt. Day after day when she sneaked away and asked me if I was going to speak to Leah, my Reply was always the same "I'm not ready". And I wasn't. I wasn't ready to break her heart, but I knew the day had come when Emily voiced her feelings to me. She had told her aunt that she was going for a walk. When I saw her I knew something had been bothering her. "Em, Whats wrong?" "Sam, I don't know whats going on, but I cant deny there's a connection between us, and that's not right. When your gone I can't wait for the next day so that I can see you again. And then when I'm coming to meet you, I feel like jumping out of my skin with anticipation and when where together I feel..."she stopped for a second looking away from me and then whispered "Complete. I don't want to hurt Leah but I cant go pretending I don't feel anything for you any more." She looked at me again and I saw the tears threatening there way out of her eyes. I knew that even if I wasn't ready to face Leah that I had to do it. Talking to Leah wasn't the only thing I had to do. It was time to tell Emily the secret I had and the reasons behind everything. I had spoken to old Quil and he said that imprinting means you found your soul mate and there was no keeping secrets from a person you knew you were going to spend your life with. "Emily" I began taking her hands into mine "I feel the connection to, but before I go talk to Leah I have to tell you something, and I hope you take it well cause I don't know what im going to do if you leave me." she looked at me stunned. I walked her to the nearest log and we sat down. "Have you ever been to one of the reservation bonfires?" I asked. "Umm yeah Leah took me to one last month but she said you where sick." She answered I nodded my head and continued "Do you remember any of the stories they told you?" she nodded "A little. I remember a story about the third wife giving up her life, And then there where stories about tribe members turning into wolfs to protect the tribe." "Right well how would you feel if I told you those where not just stories, and that to this day tribe members turn into wolves to protect the tribe from cold ones?" She looked at me with those perfect eyes. Her face showed no emotion,but I could tell she was wondering, thinking and I knew it was only a matter of time before the questions started. "I wanna see. If the stories are true and your telling me what I think your telling me, and you can turn into a wolf. Prove it to me and show me." she said. Well if this was the reaction that I was going to get I'll take it! I looked at her. Her perfect beautiful face was glowing with what looked like excitement. I smiled at her. If she wanted to see then I would show her. I stood up with her hands still in mine and told her to come with me in the woods. We walked a little bit before I stopped and turned to her "Wait here". She nodded and looked around a little bit. I walked into the woods a little more so that I was out of her sight but she wasn't out of mine. I stripped out of my shorts, it was better to phase with no cloths on, I learned the hard way that when you phase your cloths get shredded. I thought it was best to have cloths for the talk me and Emily would have afterwards. I started to feel the heat rise from with in me and I let it take over I felt my body burst and then I was on all fours. I heard Jared in my head, but ignored him for now I had to concentrate on Emily. I walked closer to her slowly the branches beneath me crunching. I saw her straining her eyes to see where the noise was coming from and then her face went from questioning to shocked. As I came into view she backed away a little. We both stopped and then I saw understanding on her face. I laid down in front of her putting my head on my legs and stared up at her. "Sam?" She asked. I lifted my head and just looked at her. "Its you isn't it" She laughed. I nodded my head and smiled the best I could in this form. I loved her laugh, so musical. she reached her hand out slowly and closed the short distance between us. She scratched behind my ear and I let out soft purr. She laughed a little and I looked at her. "nothing you just sounded like a real dog" . I let out a little bark she jumped but laughed again. "Can you turn back now?" I nodded my head got up and ran back into the trees. I Phased back put my shorts back on and walked back to Emily. She smiled when she saw me and I heart gave and excited jump. When I reached her she hugged me and said "That's really cool!" I laughed and hugged her back. I pulled away a little to look at her, really look at her -her cute little nose and beautiful mouth, her perfect skin and her amazing eyes- stood out to me like never before. Then I realized there was one more thing I needed to tell her. "Emily there one more thing I need to tell you." She took a step back and looked at me. I didn't know how to tell her that she was my soul mate, the love of my life, the person I wanted to wake up to every morning, have kids with and that she was the person I wanted spend the rest of my life making happy. "I imprinted on you"I blurted out. "What the hell is that?" "Its when a wolf finds their soul mate" I said. She looked taken aback like she was trying to figure out what to feel. she finally settled with an "I don't understand" "The moment we find our soul mate. Its like love at first sight but stronger, that day I saw you on the beach with Leah I imprinted on you. The connection you feel between us that's the imprint. I'll do anything to make you happy Emily." She smiled a little bit and then gasped. I looked at her questionably. she said "Leah" and then the tears fell from her eyes. "We can't Sam this will kill Leah" and she ran, I followed her of course, I called her to her but she didn't listen or slow her speed I could have caught up to her but I let her run. When she got home she didn't stop. I heard her go to her room and slam the door. I listened from outside for a bit. It killed me to hear her crying and not be able to go comfort her. I heard Leah walking to her door and asking what happened, I heard Emily Say that she was sorry. I was suddenly hit with the realization of what I had to do. I walked into the house with a nod from Leah's father up and up the stairs. When I said Leah's name she jumped then threw her arms around me. I winced knowing that what I was about to do was going to be difficult for the both of us. I pulled away and looked at the girl I onced loved. "Leah can we talk?" ~Sam
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Dear Diary, Ever since the incident on the beach I haven't spoken to or seen Sam. It's been two weeks! two long drawn out horrible weeks. It wasn't like before when we didn't talk, this time felt different. I couldn't pin point the reason it felt different but I just knew things weren't going to be the same. I had asked Emily if she knew what happened but all she said was "Im just as confused as you are", but there was something she wasn't telling me. I believed her when she said she was confused but I KNEW she wasn't telling me something.There was a certain spark in her eye when ever I mentioned his name but I couldn't figure out the emotion. Things where certainly weird in the Clearwater house. My dad was always hovering over me or out with his friend charlie. Charlie was the forks police department's, Chief of police. A few people had gone missing close to town, so they've both been out searching. For what? I'm not sure, But I do know that I'm not allowed to leave the res till they find what ever there looking for. My dad was very upset by the disappearance's and kept going on and on about protecting the tribe. He was so obsessed with the tribe legends I on the other hand could care less, but today was the monthly bonfire and everyone would be going. I was hoping that Sam would attend and we can finally talk. The talking part was what was killing me. I was scared he was going to tell me something I didn't want to hear. I couldn't shake the feeling believe me I had tried. Everyday when I woke up I would tell myself "Sam loves me, Everything's fine." but there was a little voice inside my head that kept telling me to stop lying to myself. It hurt to even think of my life without Sam. He was like my air, With out him I couldn't breath. While I was getting ready for the bonfire there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" Emily yelled. I heard her open the door and gasp. I heard whispering and then the door closed. "Emily?" I called from up stairs. "I just saw her leave"My mom said coming in to my room. "With who?" I asked. My mom looked down like she didn't want to tell me. I looked at her confused. "She left with Sam" My heart sank to the very bottom of my stomach. I didn't want to hear any more. I walked to my bed and told my mom to close the door behind her as the questions flooded my mind. Why did he come to see her and not me? Has she seen him since the incident on the beach? Are they both keeping a secret from me? I don't understand what could he talk to Emily about that he couldn't talk to me about?! I heard the door slam down stairs and my mom ask Emily whats wrong. She got no answer. I then heard Emily come up the stairs and slam the door to the guest room. What the hell? I thought to myself. I got up off the bed and walk out of my room and to the guest room where I heard Emily's soft cries. I knocked on the door and she yelled for me to go away. "Emily are you alright?" I asked "Leah I'm soooo sorry" She said threw her tears. "About what?!" I asked. I was tired of the secrets. "Leah can we talk?" I jumped a foot in the air and turned around to see Sam, standing in my hallway. "Sam!" I yelled "I missed you" I threw my arms around him, but he did not return my embrace. I felt the tears well up in my eyes but I blinked them away quickly before letting go. "I'll meet you at the beach" He said. He looked at me sympathetically and headed down the stairs. I felt the distance between us instantly. I walked down the stairs as if I have just been sentenced to death. I walked to the beach, head down and arms wrapped around myself. I wish I didn't have to put myself threw this but I knew what was coming I had just been denying it, lying to myself hoping for the best NOT prepared for the worst. I got to the beach I knew where he would be "Our spot" but it didn't seem like it was ours any more the way he stood there just made him seem like it was any other spot. Not where we had met each other or said our first I love you's. It wasn't the spot where he had created the most romantic little get away on our 1 year anniversary, where I had given my virginity to him. I felt the tears well up again but this time I let them fall. When I got closer to, I faced away from him and towards the beach. "Please don't do this to me Sam" I heard my voice cracked "Leah I wish there was a way that I can make you understand but I cant. I'm sor-" I cut him off "Don't say your sorry Sam, If you where you wouldn't be doing this to me" I wiped my cheeks. I couldn't turn to look at him, If I did I would crumble. "Just tell me why Sam. Why did you tell me you love me if this is where we were going to end up. Why did you let me fall so deeply in love with you if you where just going to break my heart in the end. Why did you make it, so that every thought I had was about you! Why did you let me plan our future if you where going to leave! What did I do to deserve this" I put my face in my hands and let myself cry. I felt his arms come around me but I pushed away from him. His touch was enough to make me hope, but all hope was lost because when I looked at him he didn't have that look any more, the look that said he loved me and only me. "Leah I am sorry. The last thing ever wanted to do was hurt you, but now there's no gravity holding me to you any more" That's all it took to have me crumble to my knees and feel my heart shatter. "How am I supposed to live with out you?". For that he had no answer. I looked up from my place on the floor and saw that he also had tears in his eyes. "If your hurting as much as I am how can you let go so easily" "I tried to fight it Leah. I don't want to do this hurting you is making me sick! I wish there was away that I could make you understand" he rubbed his face in frustration. "If your going to leave Sam then just leave. I cant take it any more, maybe with you gone some of the pain will lessen." "Let me take you home at least." he offered, I shook my head. I just wanted to be alone to suffer my own pain feel the heart break. I didn't see him leave but I heard him and as he stood by the edge of the woods he turned his head back and whispered "I'm sorry" one last time before walking into the woods. When he was gone I crawled to the spot that was once ours and curled up next to the tree. I stayed there for ours and let myself cry. This spot that was once ours was no longer the start off something wonderful instead it was the end of a tragic love story. ~Leah |
InfoLeah Clearwater is a woman consumed by the jealousy in her heart. She walks a dark and bitter path loved by no one and trapped by fate. Leah walks her path determemined to find an escape at the end of the bitter sweet oblivian she has chosen to walk. Leah's diary is written by Amanda Fan PageArchives |