Dear Diary,
It's been 1 week since Sam and I reunited. Everything since then has been great. With a few exceptions, Sam was acting very weird lately. He got upset over the smallest things and when he did he would start to shake like he was having a seizure, I would step forward to see if I can do anything to help but he would put his arm out and yell "Stay back Leah!" Stopping me instantly in my tracks. Afterwards he would just run out of my door and into the woods and I wouldn't hear from him for the rest of the day. When I would ask him where he'd gone he simply said "I just needed to clear my mind so I went for a run" then he would silence me with a kiss making me forget about everything I wanted to ask him. We would spend our days at the beach. Sam found a new hobby, Cliff diving. He tried to convince me to go but I wouldn't I wasn't scared or anything I just wasn't to fond about risking my life. So I watched him from the beach happy to see him happy. I smiled to myself thinking about Sam he was everything I wanted in a man and I was thankful everyday to have him in my life, he made me a better person. On this unusually sunny day I was waiting for Sam to hurry and pick me up. We where headed to the beach again. After the hundredth time he asked me to go cliff diving I finally gave in, on one condition we dive from a lower point than the very top of the cliff. He agreed and then he was so excited he picked me up and spun me around, he was happy he could share this experience with me. I heard a knock on the door and bounded down the stairs. I opened the door and said "Hey there handsome" I smiled. "Hey there cutie" he gave me a quick peck "you ready to go". "Nah I've only been waiting for almost an hour so there's no possible way for me to be ready" I said very heavy on the sarcasm. He snorted a laugh "Lets go babe before the sun goes away" I nodded grab my bag and left. "LEAH!!!" My mom yelled from the porch. I turned around to face her. "You and Emily haven't been spending time together, just a reminder that you have a cousin visiting and its rude to do things without her" I nodded and promised that I would do something with her soon. My mom was right, although I didn't forget about her I wasn't really doing much with her since Sam showed up again. As we got closer to the beach my nerves grew more and more, I was starting to think this was a bad idea. When we reached the lower point of the cliff I realized it wasn't as low as I wanted it to be. "Sam ummmm..I don't know about this" I said a little shaky. He pulled me into his strong arms. "Babe its going to be fine I promise. come on the first time we can jump together." I nodded and hung on tight to him, he put his lips to my ear and counted down. "3 2 1" he jumped and we where in the air with the fast approaching water beneath us.It felt amazing be up in the air like that I felt free. I let out a excited scream before the water hit us and swallowed us under. We where disentangled by the under water waves as we swam to top and found each other again, I smiled brightly at him. "So I'm guessing you like it?" he asked as he put is arms around my waist. I nodded as I wrapped my legs around him and put my arms around his neck. "Can we do it again?" He gave me his award winning smile and a peck on the lips. "I'll race you back" He said. I laughed, He was always so competitive, even with me. I let go of him and started to swim as fast as I could towards the beach. Of course he won but I wasn't to far behind. When I reached the beach I sat down for a second to catch my breath. Sam sat next to me and put his arm around me. "Your a slow poke babe" He laughed. I settled for a glare and he laughed some more. "Wait till I tell Jared about this" Jared's a friend of Sam's, they've become quite close lately. When I asked about it he said that "Jared just understands". I wasn't able to ask any more question the sound in his voice made it seem like he didn't want to talk about it so I let go, for now any way. I guess they shared the bond of being sick in the same kind of way. I think they also went to the gym together cause Jared was just as big as Sam was, I mean not that I was paying attention but it was kind of hard NOT to notice. After I my breathing slowed down I got up and made my way back to the cliff. I stood at the edge and told Sam to go first. "I wanna jump by myself this time but I want you to wait for me at the bottom" He smiled kissed me and flew onto the air doing a flip before he hit the water. Show off, I thought to myself. I waited for him to come up before hyped myself up to jump next, as soon as I was about throw myself into the air I heard my name being called. "Leah what are you doing?" Emily asked. I jumped and turned around "Emily you scared the crap outta me! what are you doing up here?" I asked her. "I was going for a walk and saw you up here. So I wanted to see what you where doing." She said mater of factly "Im cliff diving with Sam. Wanna join?" I asked her, remembering the conversation I had earlier with my mom so I figured id ask. "Leah come on!" I heard Sam yell from below. "Im coming" I yelled back. Emily joined me at the edge of the cliff looked down then back up. "Ummm no, I think I'll just wait for you down by the beach"She said "Ok I'll be there in a sec, then we can do something together". She smiled at the thought, nodded her head and left. I took a deep breath and jumped. It was much better this time, I felt the adrenaline rush more than I did before as I flew through the air. The next thing I knew the water came rushing past me. I stayed under for awhile just enjoying the feeling of no gravity, stupid I know but that's me I guess. As I reached the top strong arms wrapped around me and familiar lips touched mine. We kissed for awhile just enjoying the water and being with each other. I pulled away far to soon for my liking, remembering that my cousin was waiting for me on the beach. "Come on Sam, Emily's waiting on the beach for me" I pulled out of his embrace and started to swim, But he grab my arm and pulled me back to him. He stared at me with those beautiful eyes of his and smiled. "What?" I asked. "Nothing, I just Love You." He stated. My heart melted and skipped a beat. "I Love You to babe, I really do" I smiled and he brought his lips to mine again for a quick but passionate kiss. After I reminded him about my cousin we swam back to the beach. I could see Emily sitting down, She was reading some kind of book. She got up when she heard us coming. "Hey Em" "Hey Lee" She smiled. Sam came up next to me and wrapped his arm around me. "Emily this is Sam, Sam this is my cousin Emily" I heard a sharp in take of breath come from Sam, at the same time he dropped his arm. I stared at him and his face looked was as if he just received the best gift of all time. I looked in the direction he was staring and saw that he was looking at Emily. What the hell? Emily looked back at him confusion and wonder written on her face. "Do you two know each other?" I asked. "It's Emily" Sam said. "What about Me?" Emily asked in a whisper "Yeah Sam that's Emily my cousin, Now can you tell me what the hell is going on?" He didn't stop staring at her, there was a look of adoration on his face mixed with understanding wonder and confusion. I couldn't take it anymore I stepped in his line of vision making him look at me and when he did the look on his face made me want to cry. He looked at me with anger then apologetic before he settled on looking just lost. "I have to go"he said "No Sam tell me what's wrong!" I yelled "Im so so so sorry Leah" he said before taking off into the woods. "About what?!?" I yelled but I got no response. I turned back to Emily who was staring at the spot where Sam disappeared. What the hell just happened? I asked myself. One thing I did know, it wasn't anything good and just the thought made me sick to my stomach. ~Leah
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Dear Diary,
1 Month Before and right after Sam's phone call. After I got Sam's phone call I ran so fast up the stairs a cheetah would have been stunned. I raced to my closet so I can find something to wear. It had to be something cute, something saying "yeah this is what you been missing" but casual enough to let him know I wasn't trying to hard. I rushed to the bathroom before Seth got a chance, that boy is worse than a girl. I showered quickly, changed and headed for the door with out so much as a goodbye to my parents. Hey they knew how long I've been waiting for this. The beach wasn't to far from my house so I decided to walk, trying to keep a normal pace so I wont seem to eager. Once I got there I walked directly to mine and Sam's "Special spot", which was only a fallen tree branch by the woods, but its where we had made things official. Ever since then it was declared our spot. As I approached I saw Sam coming out of the woods and I couldn't contain myself any more. "Sam!" I yelled catching his attention as I ran to him. His head shot up and his smile matched mine. The smile that would light up a dark room. He caught me easily and lifted me up spinning us around as we stared into each others eyes captured by the moment. When it was me and Sam no one else mattered no one even existed any more. This was the man I gave my heart to so easily and I was hopping and praying he would never break it. He set me down and kissed me. The kiss sent a heat wave through my body, but it wasn't only the kiss. It was then that I noticed the changes in him.I pulled back and stared at him, his height, He was ALOT taller then before sure he was always taller than me but now he towered over me. His muscles, yes he's always had them but now they where more defined (not that im complaining) and his body heat was warmer like he just walked threw fire. "Sam are you ok? you feel like you have a fever are you still sick?" I asked him. "I'm fine babe I promise just some after affects of when I was sick" he replied I looked at him still a little warily but let I it go quickly.We sat quietly on our branch just enjoying each others company. "What was really wrong with you?" I asked breaking the silence. He sighed before answering"I was just sick Leah really sick and I didn't want you to catch it." I nodded my head and looked away. There was something he wasn't telling me, I could feel it but i let it go not wanting to ruin our reunion which was starting to become a little awkward. "So what did you do while I was gone" he asked, putting his arm around me. I leaned into him and said "Well except being worried sick about you I hung out with my cousin Emily she's here visiting from the mehka res., other than that sleep I guess." He chuckled "You do love to sleep" I laughed with him "Yes I do!". "Remember that time I had to pick you for our date-" I cut him off "and you had to wait an hour before I was ready cause I feel alsleep in the bath." We were both craking up at that point. I was so relaxed in my bubble bath that I actually fell alsleep, when my mom walked in she snapped a picture the flash alone had me flying out of the tub. I laughed some more and then stood up. "Come on, lets take a walk on the beach" he nodded took my hand and started walking. It was favorite time of day, Twilight. The sun was setting so the entire beach looked magical. I squezzed Sam's hand tighter and leand my head on his shoulder. "I'm really glad your better. I missed you so much". He stopped and turned to me. "I'm really sorry I didn't call or let you come see me. It'll never happen again Leah I promise." he leaned down and kissed me. God how I loved his kisses, smooth sensual and passonate. I could kiss him for days. We finally pulled away and put our foreheads together just smiling at one another. This is what I fell in love with. "Hey guys!" I heard seth yell from down the beach. "Hey Seth" Sam and I yelled back. Seth jogged up to us smiling. He pat Sam on the shoulder and said "Glad your back on your feet Sam I thought Leah was gonna pace a hole through the floor waiting for your call" Sam laughed and I went to smack Seth up against his head but he ducked before I reached him so I settled for a "Shut it Seth" and a glare. "Hey some of us are playing football up the beach, wanna join? Emily's there too shes the only girl so it would help her out a little not by much though" He laughed. I looked at sam for an answer but he shook his head and answerd "Nah where good man but we'll be down the beach if you need us". Seth nodded his head "Ok love birds see ya" "Bye!". The rest of the day was spent together reconnecting. When it got dark sam walked me home kissed me on the porch with a promise to see me tomorrow. For now everything was ok everything was as it should be. It was all ok in Leah's world. Little did I know it was about to come crashing down..... ~Leah Dear Diary,
I wish everyone would just leave me alone. Im not some stupid teenager that cries over a boy for days! IM OVER IT! ok yes I just lied. I'm not at all over it but I refuse to let my emotions break surface and show. Yes, my heart breaks every time I see him with Emily. How gentle he touches her now scratched face, how he looks at her with total devotion respect and love but the fact still remains I wont let anyone see how I truly feel.That, I hate that he used to look at me like he looks at her and that's what hurt most, the fact that I now know he never meant any of it. All those times he told me he loved me, the times that we....I cant even think about it. I put on this tough facade because im tired of people looking at me with pity and sadness. I hate that my own family hesitates to invite me places because they know HE's going to be there. I hated that my own father tried to stick up for him by saying "He's going threw a tough time Leah" what about me? yeah me! The girls who's heart got broken cause he was going threw "A tough time". I didn't understand why he did this to me! The girl that was there waiting for him when he disappeared for months. The only reassurance I had was when my dad went to go visit him and told me all about his where abouts. All I was allowed to know was "Hes very very sick and cant have any visitors". My instincts at the time had been to not care and go any way. I remember calling him everyday and getting his voice mail. "Hey you reached Sam" Beep. "Hey babe its me. Call me please I'm worried and I just want to hear your voice." I hung up the phone and paced the floor waiting for the phone to ring, but to my utter disappointment there was never a call back. My brother Seth would come into my room sometimes and tell me that I was going to pace a whole in the floor, To that comment he recieved a toss pillow to the head and a "Get the hell out seth!!". I sat down on my bed crossed legged and just stared at my phone. I was worried for my boyfriend I didnt know what illness he had or how sick he was. All I wanted to do was be at his beside and help him with anything but I was refused that privileged. I didn't understand why my dad could go and I couldn't but he said something about the illness not being contagious for men. What a load of crap! On the days that I wasn't waiting for a phone call I was with my cousin Emily who was visiting for a while. I took her to the beach and showed her around told her all about my lovely caring sweet and amazingly hot boyfriend. We had laughed and laughed and talked for days. The only time we apart for her visit was when I finally got the call I was waiting for. "Leah the phone!" my mom had called up the stairs. I could hear the smile in her voice. I ran down the stairs and grab the phone. "Hello?" I held my breath "Leah its me" Finally my Sam. "Where are you? Are you ok? I miss you. Can I come see you? are you still sick?" All my questions came flooding out not even letting him get a word in. "Leah honey calm down. I'm home, Yes I'm fine now I miss you to and yes I'm coming to see you in a little bit I have to make a few more calls and no I'm not sick any more all though it feels like I am." He said. I smiled at the thought of seeing him. "I was so worried something happened" "I know I'm sorry I didn't call. I didn't want you to hear me in pain" he paused and before I could say anything he quickly added " but I'm fine now, lets just put this behind us and move on". I could do that and I would do that, I would do anything for him. We had chatted for a little longer before he promised to meet me at our favorite spot on the beach. I hurried up the stairs to get ready, I felt like it was our first date. If i knew then what I know now I wouldn't have let myself fall heavenly in love with Sam Uley but instead I fell stupidly in love with the person that was going to cause the destruction of my own heart. When I think of it the tears seem to flow endlessly the only thing to stop it is when my eyes shut putting me into a deep un~peaceful slumber. ~Leah |
InfoLeah Clearwater is a woman consumed by the jealousy in her heart. She walks a dark and bitter path loved by no one and trapped by fate. Leah walks her path determemined to find an escape at the end of the bitter sweet oblivian she has chosen to walk. Leah's diary is written by Amanda Fan PageArchives |