Dear Diary, Ever since the incident on the beach I haven't spoken to or seen Sam. It's been two weeks! two long drawn out horrible weeks. It wasn't like before when we didn't talk, this time felt different. I couldn't pin point the reason it felt different but I just knew things weren't going to be the same. I had asked Emily if she knew what happened but all she said was "Im just as confused as you are", but there was something she wasn't telling me. I believed her when she said she was confused but I KNEW she wasn't telling me something.There was a certain spark in her eye when ever I mentioned his name but I couldn't figure out the emotion. Things where certainly weird in the Clearwater house. My dad was always hovering over me or out with his friend charlie. Charlie was the forks police department's, Chief of police. A few people had gone missing close to town, so they've both been out searching. For what? I'm not sure, But I do know that I'm not allowed to leave the res till they find what ever there looking for. My dad was very upset by the disappearance's and kept going on and on about protecting the tribe. He was so obsessed with the tribe legends I on the other hand could care less, but today was the monthly bonfire and everyone would be going. I was hoping that Sam would attend and we can finally talk. The talking part was what was killing me. I was scared he was going to tell me something I didn't want to hear. I couldn't shake the feeling believe me I had tried. Everyday when I woke up I would tell myself "Sam loves me, Everything's fine." but there was a little voice inside my head that kept telling me to stop lying to myself. It hurt to even think of my life without Sam. He was like my air, With out him I couldn't breath. While I was getting ready for the bonfire there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" Emily yelled. I heard her open the door and gasp. I heard whispering and then the door closed. "Emily?" I called from up stairs. "I just saw her leave"My mom said coming in to my room. "With who?" I asked. My mom looked down like she didn't want to tell me. I looked at her confused. "She left with Sam" My heart sank to the very bottom of my stomach. I didn't want to hear any more. I walked to my bed and told my mom to close the door behind her as the questions flooded my mind. Why did he come to see her and not me? Has she seen him since the incident on the beach? Are they both keeping a secret from me? I don't understand what could he talk to Emily about that he couldn't talk to me about?! I heard the door slam down stairs and my mom ask Emily whats wrong. She got no answer. I then heard Emily come up the stairs and slam the door to the guest room. What the hell? I thought to myself. I got up off the bed and walk out of my room and to the guest room where I heard Emily's soft cries. I knocked on the door and she yelled for me to go away. "Emily are you alright?" I asked "Leah I'm soooo sorry" She said threw her tears. "About what?!" I asked. I was tired of the secrets. "Leah can we talk?" I jumped a foot in the air and turned around to see Sam, standing in my hallway. "Sam!" I yelled "I missed you" I threw my arms around him, but he did not return my embrace. I felt the tears well up in my eyes but I blinked them away quickly before letting go. "I'll meet you at the beach" He said. He looked at me sympathetically and headed down the stairs. I felt the distance between us instantly. I walked down the stairs as if I have just been sentenced to death. I walked to the beach, head down and arms wrapped around myself. I wish I didn't have to put myself threw this but I knew what was coming I had just been denying it, lying to myself hoping for the best NOT prepared for the worst. I got to the beach I knew where he would be "Our spot" but it didn't seem like it was ours any more the way he stood there just made him seem like it was any other spot. Not where we had met each other or said our first I love you's. It wasn't the spot where he had created the most romantic little get away on our 1 year anniversary, where I had given my virginity to him. I felt the tears well up again but this time I let them fall. When I got closer to, I faced away from him and towards the beach. "Please don't do this to me Sam" I heard my voice cracked "Leah I wish there was a way that I can make you understand but I cant. I'm sor-" I cut him off "Don't say your sorry Sam, If you where you wouldn't be doing this to me" I wiped my cheeks. I couldn't turn to look at him, If I did I would crumble. "Just tell me why Sam. Why did you tell me you love me if this is where we were going to end up. Why did you let me fall so deeply in love with you if you where just going to break my heart in the end. Why did you make it, so that every thought I had was about you! Why did you let me plan our future if you where going to leave! What did I do to deserve this" I put my face in my hands and let myself cry. I felt his arms come around me but I pushed away from him. His touch was enough to make me hope, but all hope was lost because when I looked at him he didn't have that look any more, the look that said he loved me and only me. "Leah I am sorry. The last thing ever wanted to do was hurt you, but now there's no gravity holding me to you any more" That's all it took to have me crumble to my knees and feel my heart shatter. "How am I supposed to live with out you?". For that he had no answer. I looked up from my place on the floor and saw that he also had tears in his eyes. "If your hurting as much as I am how can you let go so easily" "I tried to fight it Leah. I don't want to do this hurting you is making me sick! I wish there was away that I could make you understand" he rubbed his face in frustration. "If your going to leave Sam then just leave. I cant take it any more, maybe with you gone some of the pain will lessen." "Let me take you home at least." he offered, I shook my head. I just wanted to be alone to suffer my own pain feel the heart break. I didn't see him leave but I heard him and as he stood by the edge of the woods he turned his head back and whispered "I'm sorry" one last time before walking into the woods. When he was gone I crawled to the spot that was once ours and curled up next to the tree. I stayed there for ours and let myself cry. This spot that was once ours was no longer the start off something wonderful instead it was the end of a tragic love story. ~Leah
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InfoLeah Clearwater is a woman consumed by the jealousy in her heart. She walks a dark and bitter path loved by no one and trapped by fate. Leah walks her path determemined to find an escape at the end of the bitter sweet oblivian she has chosen to walk. Leah's diary is written by Amanda Fan PageArchives |