Topic: There she stood, the wind blowing against her hair, she was dressed in white, she stood before me as the most beautiful woman in the world, I was dumbfounded by her…she had this magnificent presence about her and my heart beat had rapidly increased going faster just by the sight of her. Her name is Sarah Frost and she is my mother Date: June 25th 2019 Dear Journal, So it’s been a while since my last entry, the truth is…my life has been so chaotic, I was still with the Cullens after my last entry Emmett and Rosalie had sat on both sides of me on the couch leaving me to be the middle of a vampire sandwich, it was lucky I could shut down my diary before they sat down. I have to say after spending some time with the Cullens I do have some favorites among the Cullens, one of them is definitely Emmett ok at times he is rather patronizing calling me Shorty and little dude, but he is awesome. If you have never met Emmett let me try to describe what it’s like for me. When he is around it’s just easier to relax and he just makes everything funnier because he is like an overgrown child most the time…completely immature. I liked Rosalie too; although she was quite peculiar….it must be a female thing. But now that I think about it Nessie isn’t weird like her aunt…then there was jasper he was quiet and interesting to watch, there are times when he is so mysterious…it’s hard to believe that a quiet and mysterious man could be married to someone so colorful and vigorous, that itself is a mystery…two people so different work so well together…is this what love is the unity of two people whom are so different, but still in some way work well together….it’s so simple…I don’t know I guess my expectations were a little too high…but then it’s not like I could see how a romantic kind of love is meant to be…watching The Cullens and how they are all coupled I wonder if dad is lonely…I wonder will he ever be able to move past my mother’s death. I sometimes look at his pain and feel guilt…if I was never born then, she would still be alive and they would be together happy…I think if I could I would have gone back in time and warned them…don’t get me wrong I don’t want to die, but really I wouldn’t be dead if I never existed. Things have kind of been weird lately it wasn’t long after the shopping trip that my everyone had packed their stuff, they called it the Annual Cullen/Denali family vacation, but it seemed to be news to Nessie too. Still we packed our things and we went on a road trip…Edward and Bella in the front while I sat behind Bella, Alice in the middle and Nessie behind Edward. The atmosphere was tense “Let’s play eye spy” Nessie suggested, I rolled my eyes up…I was kind of worried about dad and wondered if he would know where we would be for this bizarre trip when Edward spoke “Don’t worry your father knows where we will be and he will be home soon” hearing Edwards reassuring voice it made me feel less anxious, but at the same time slightly annoyed I wouldn’t mind actually expressing my worries rather than being reassured before I could verbalize it, I sighed softly and thanked Edward. After all what more could I do, I could hardly be rude to the man whom has allowed me to spend time with his family he was my elder and I show respect to my elders it’s how dad raised me. While driving we eventually pulled over the road, Edward told me that they were swapping drivers, when I asked why all Edward would say is he wanted to chat with Carlisle from then on it was Alice in the front passenger side, Jasper driving and Esme in sitting in the middle. I found this bizarre, but at least my thoughts were exactly what they were Mine. Nessie seemed totally calm about the situation, was she oblivious to the fact something was wrong…for me I could tell, I mean First the Cullens pack some things and it’s all very quick no time to waste, then their mannerisms were off I mean like they were uneasy about it and because of that they were desperately trying to over compensate it…I don’t know I thought perhaps that I was looking too much into it maybe my mind was playing tricks on me…maybe I just missed dad who knew. The entire time Alice seemed to be her cheerful self while Esme joined in, the atmosphere was indeed tense and as much as I was concerned and uneasy, I gradually felt that feeling go away. Eventually we did make it to a small town in Washington called Ocean Shores., we had two cabins booked for both family’s by the beach which was great…granted this beach was nothing like the one back home, it was nowhere near as perfect, but still it felt familiar sort of like home the first thing I wanted to do was go to the ocean and get my feet wet and as I heard Carmen’s voice asking me where I was going, of course she had her accent and I turned to tell her that I was going to the beach and she told me that I should unpack first which made me frown it made me think that maybe I wasn’t being paranoid after all…both the Cullens and Denali’s seem on edge and you know here is another thing how the heck is this an annual family vacation when Uncle Garrett and aunt Kate were on their “holiday” I spoke to Nessie about this when we were rarely left alone, “you’re being paranoid” was her explanation which made me scowl. It wasn’t long until Bella and Edward left to get someone named Charlie while dad returned to me with Uncle Eleazar and Carlisle surprisingly enough Kate and Garrett were with him. I missed dad when I saw him there was something wrong with him…he was happy, but at the same time he wasn’t, it’s quite odd and difficult to explain. Dad hugged me tight and told me how much he loved me which of course like every other kid in the world embarrassed me, but I wasn’t going to make a fuss about it this time. We spent some time together dad allowed me to do all the talking, asking me what I have been up to. After catching up Bella and Edward returned with a human named Charlie along with two weird smelling guys and a girl…Nessie well she seemed over the moon she introduced me to Charlie her grandfather her friends Seth and Leah then finally there was Jacob….her boyfriend…I instantly loathed Jacob, I didn’t mind Seth though he was awesome I am serious he was like this cool college guy with a leather jacket and everything…he was really friendly too we hung out a bit actually and the first time I saw them in wolf mode I asked if I could pet him, which made my father give a disapproving look for some reason…I wondered if he thought I was being rude…I couldn’t help myself I was curious, the entire time Jacob was all over Nessie which I found inappropriate hell I was disapproving of their entire relationship. I had asked Seth if he would be offended if I asked Jacob to play fetch which made Emmett chuckle for some reason. Seth told me it may be a tad offensive because they weren’t dogs….yeah well that’s true…Dad was kind of being weird he spent a lot of time in the bedroom alone and asked not to be disturbed it wasn’t long all the adults were meeting up except for Leah and Seth they were hanging out with us…I didn’t mind Leah that much…how could I describe Leah a sarcastic cynic with a faint trace of optimism…in the long run she wasn’t cool as her little brother….Charlie was fishing so yeah just the four of us. Naturally dad came back and told me he was leaving yet again which is very and I repeat very frustrating, I was starting to feel annoyed he is coming and going it was two days later dad returned and I knew something big was going on, and this time not even Nessie could deny it everyone and I mean everyone was going to a place called Volterra and just at the very mention of Volterra made Nessie anxious…Nessie and I were left under the care of Jacob and his pack…Jacob had called his friends and invited him over, I asked Seth what was going on, but he told me that they were throwing a wolf party…..yeah right, I asked for the real reason and Seth called me paranoid…I am not paranoid…at least I don’t think I am I had tried to get information from Charlie spending time with him, but unfortunately I had no success and after Jacobs friends came around, Embry, Quill, I really felt unsettled especially with them doing patrolling…I knew things weren’t right something was wrong, why couldn’t Nessie see what was going on…maybe she did, but was in denial…ok this is frustrating I officially no longer care I just wanted my dad back and maybe stay around for more than just a few days is that too much to ask. So I spent the next few days on my own as much as that was possible, I spent it at the beach mostly of course Seth found reasons to hang out and I didn’t really socialize, I suppose you could say it was rude, but in my defense I was in a foul mood. This was fine; Seth just kept quiet and gave me some peace which is all I wanted. The wind blew from behind and I smelled that scent…I recognized it in an instant…it was dad getting off the beach I stood up and turned around to see him, he was actually happy and by happy I mean not by normal standards it’s like someone shot him full of happy pills or something, “So are you actually staying around for more than a few days this time” I asked in a foul mood, he chuckled “I suppose I deserve that boy…but when you find out why I been coming and going you will be thankful.” He spoke full of joy and naturally this had my curiosity peeked. Seth left us alone and my father asked me to hear him out without interruptions, he made me promise and so I did…what he told me next I could never have seen coming in his words he spoke “Tobias…I have been lying to you your entire life, there is something you need to know…it’s about your mother…she is alive” His words had blown me away, my mom…she was alive, I had felt my entire world shatter…I felt nothing at all just a state of numbness…then anger just washed over me I wanted to know where the hell was she my entire life…from anger I felt insecure didn’t she love me? Is that why she left? My father watched me before continuing. “The truth is all this time I thought your mother was a liar…and a cold heartless woman…that she didn’t love you…or me…three days after your birth she left with the Volturi and it seemed to be of her own accord, but I was wrong. The truth is she loved us…she loved you Tobias….your mother overheard a man named Aro threatening your life before you were even born…so she made a deal…she would give the Volturi herself in exchange for our safety…I recently learned the truth son…and I went to bring her back to us…but things happened and I was outnumbered…she helped me escape along with Uncle Garrett and Aunt Kate…and the Cullens and Denali brought you and Nessie here for your safety…after I came back. I found out they wanted to kill your mother so we all left to save her, while the mongrels looked after you and now we are back” Listening to this it was too much to take in…I couldn’t process this, I just couldn’t it’ if I wasn’t in a state of shock I probably would have bolted I kept on commanding my legs to move with my thoughts, but I was planted on the spot as my father continued to speak. “Sarah…your mother is back…she has gone through a lot Tobias…and right now she isn’t well so you need to be gentle with her, and she really wants to meet you” it was at this point my legs finally obeyed my brain and I began to run away, my dad had was instantly in front of me “Tobias I know your mad…but don’t be mad at her, be mad at me because I couldn’t look after us…but don’t be mad at your mother…she had no choice, she was looking after us” he spoke placing his hands on my shoulders’ watched my father looking at him “I am not mad….well I am it’s just.” I stopped and I was afraid to voice the fears in my head…what if my mom wouldn’t like me what if I wasn’t worth her noble effort to protect her me…my dad asked me to go on to speak my mind “what if she hates my dad” My dad laughed “your mother could never hate you boy…and you will never know unless you man up and meet her….so how about I go get her and you wait here ok.” He spoke in a fatherly voice. Dad was right I had to man up, I can’t run from my problems or my fears…I had to face them. I nodded my head “good man…now remembers Tobias…your mother is kind of frail…So be gentle with her.” I nodded my head and dad left, my emotions…they were difficult to understand…yeah I was mad dad lied to me all these years, and yeah I was mad people took mom from me, but more than that I was afraid ok dad said mom wouldn’t hate me, but still what if I wasn’t worth her sacrifice…what if I was a disappointment. I watched the ocean and tried to figure out just how to exist with all this information in my life…I heard the squishy sound of footsteps just a few feet behind me and turned around I saw her…the woman was beautiful the wind blew against her and she was dressed in white I was dumbfounded by her in all honesty. She had this magnificent presence about her and I swear she was just as nervous as I was. There was silence between us I had no idea what to say to her…it was an awkward silence until I heard my father yell “will one of you say something already god damn it” I leaned to the side and saw my father across the street near the tree’s and scowled at him, I could see Alice was laughing she had a nice smile my mother turned to me and apologized for dad, her voice…I always wondered what it was like, sometimes I would dream about it, but no dream or nothing in my imagination could ever give it justice. I told her she was preaching to the choir and called her mom, My mother suggested methods of making dad behave and this had my curiosity peeked, what surprised me was fart bombs in his car air vents…its official my mom is diabolical, dad yelled something along the lines of hell no and I told her it was genius because frankly it was and moved a little closer to her, she told me she had more to teach me, I couldn’t stop myself from wrapped my arms around her to hug her…this may sound odd, but even though I had just met my mother I felt safe with her and loved as I felt her arms wrap around me I told my mother the truth that I had always wanted to know her, and she told me she wanted to know me more…I felt relief that she didn’t hate me, she lowered her hands and I did the same and she suggested that we go for a walk, walking with my mom well there were so many things I wanted to ask her, and we spoke at the same time asking a question and she smiled again “are you mad” the question was difficult to answer “I was at first…I was furious, at dad for lying about you…at you for not being here with me…but then I realized how pointless my anger was, there is nothing to achieve from it…dad told me everything more or less…the Volturi was somehow involved and dad told me about them before now…it seems you’re the real victim in this…I grew up, still am at least mentally…I have a happy life, with friends…family. And now that your back where you belong…my life is just perfect.” I told her, she placed her arm around me as we walked and pulled me close “your father was right…you are an outstanding young man very wise beyond your years.” At this point I could feel my cheeks get red. Mom told me her side of the things…how she discovered that the Volturi threatened my dad’s life and my life before I was even born…she gave herself to save me, and before I could even think about feeling guilt she told me she would do it all again in a heartbeat…because it was a duty of love to protect your child at all cost. It made me smile and the odd thing was I felt no guilt, I couldn’t stop myself from making her promise me that she would never leave again, and without a heartbeat she swore that she would never leave me…never again…the rest of our time together it was kind of casual, nothing to serious I did most of the talking, I told her about my life with dad, our father son bonding time…she didn’t like the idea of vampire fishing…I spoke about my…our new extended family…The Cullens and Denali’s I told her about Nessie and how incredible I thought she was, I told her about Uncle Emmett and how cool I think he is granted he is patronizing occasionally… the entire time mom listened and had a smile on her face, she looked radiant with the orange color in the sky…my mom asked me about my dream…what did I want to do when I was old enough to be considered a man…it was something I actually never thought about on an in-depth level, but the last few days traveling…”I want to travel the world…explore it, experience the cultures.” My mom smiled and told me it was a very nice dream and grown up one. I asked my mom, what was her dream when she was my age and did she ever fulfilled it, it had taken her off guard, but she answered it “I used to dream about becoming a singer…someone famous, that was one of my dreams” she answered, I actually wanted to know what her other dreams were, but more than that I wanted to hear her sing and I asked her to sing a song…she told me she was tired which was disappointing I really wanted to hear her sing, she tightened her grip I looked at her gaze “but for you…I would do anything.” My mom began to sing and I listened to her sing…her voice was incredibly so beautiful…mom could have become a really famous singer…she has the talent for it for sure…I asked mom about the song and she told me it was sung by the pretenders and it was called I’ll Stand By You… and she added that she would always be by my side and she would always protect me…so this is what it meant to have a mom…have to admit I loved it. I introduced my mom to Nessie and my friend Seth, It seemed mom didn’t like the shape shifters scent much, the rest of the evening I spent with her until it was past my bed time, things got intense from their mom got into a fiery debate with dad and wow she wasn’t shy with the cuss words either, but to my disappointment dad won and bedtime was unavoidable, but mom was kind enough to stay with me until I fell asleep we spoke about things like books and music…mom seemed to like a lot of the old school classics, songs even before her era….I eventually fell asleep, I couldn’t remember what I dreamed about…I did however wake up at who knows what time, when I heard a thud, deciding to investigate it I climbed out of bed and opened the door to see Aunt Tanya on the floor with mom’s heel on Tanya’s neck. I rubbed my eyes as the light irritated me and she told me that she was just showing off her lovely shoes. Tanya liked the shoes and wanted to show mom hers…typical women, all they do is obsess about shopping and fashion…mom told me to go back to sleep and I went back to bed grumbling as I closed the door behind me. and I went back to bed but as soon as I woke up I had to catch you up in my life… and record down the events that happened yesterday, so I will never forget a single thing about when my life became perfect….anyway I am going to go now I want to find mom and hang out with her… ~Tobias Jacobson
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InfoThe Journal of Tobias Jacobson the son of Sarah & Brian a young man trying to find out which world he belongs to the worlds of humans or vampires. Join Tobias as he searches to find out where he belongs and what journey awaits him. Tobias Diary is written by Martin. Click here to read first entryArchives |