Topic: even after she left me she suprises me
Date: june 12th 2019 The future may not be set in stone, but the past is so why bother looking back on that what cannot be changed, look to the future because that is where you will spend the rest of your life. ~Martin Gubecka Dear Journal, It has been one full day since Tobias went to stay with the Cullens as a guest in their household. I am not sure how I should explain the emotions I am feeling, I have a strong conflicting feeling. I am glad my son is socializing with others, forming bonds of friendship and finding an extended family for him, but I also worry about my son I think it's my parental instincts, a powerful instinct every parent has to protect their child... it's very primal. The one thing I am not used to is the silence it's eerie and haunting. I remembered feeling this just after I became a vampire, right after I killed my master and entire family. It was the quiet at first it was awkward, but then it came a friend to me. I adjusted to the silence and embraced it as peaceful. Then I met her... noise was reintroduced into my life. When she left, I was left with Tobias my little punk... He brought sound to my life, with his abnormal heart beats, the sound of his breathing, the sound of the way he would speak... I learned to get used to it, to love having it in my immortal life every single day, but now well... it's just too damn quiet. In this one day I seem to be stuck on an endless loop I regularly pace the house, checking Tobias' bedroom and then checking my own. After another round of pacing the house I went to Tobias' bedroom and laid on his new bed. I looked up at the ceiling. The ceiling was a creamy white color and I considered painting it or hiring some sort of painter to paint something interesting for my son to look at before he goes to bed. After a lot of thought, I decided to have someone paint the solar system on the ceiling. I think I may make it the light bulb is the sun... I'm not sure I will have to think about it... I think Tobias would like that. I have also come to realize that without Tobias my life was extremely empty, I tried to think of the things I did before Tobias' time, All I could think of was work. I used to have such fun working, but now, compared to spending time with Tobias... it's nothing compared to my son. Right after I realized that I went to visit the Cullens, when I arrived I noticed Tobias was no where to be seen. The only people at the house were Esme, Emmett and Rosalie. I could smell the stench of food in the kitchen and knew it was Esme as I heard her greeting from the living room. Emmett was sitting on the couch with Rosalie on his lap the two seemed to be watching football. I asked them where my son was. and Emmett answered "Well Carlisle is at work, Alice and Jasper have gone to the movies." Emmett thought he was being funny in avoiding my question and I scowled at him only to see Emmett laugh and point at me "Rose Rose, look he has the exact same scowling face as Tobias the way Brian and Tobias facial expression look exactly the same is freaky." Emmett spoke out snorting a laugh. I gave a low growl and Esme came into the room, she was wearing jeans and a black Floral blouse. She had on a plain white apron over her attire. Esme's heart shaped face was clearly her main feature since her caramel colored hair was tied into a bun she looked at Emmett and Rosalie "Emmett don't be mean. Brian, Tobias is spending the day with Edward, Bella and Renesmee they have gone to town, I believe Edward said something about visiting a book store and taking the children out to lunch, Esme then excused herself she was apparently cooking a feast for Tobias and Renesmee's dinner. I followed after her and sat on the stool. Esme Explained that she is cooking the children some sort of food, she pronounced it over and over, but I gave up on trying to figure it out, Tobias should be happy for desert he would be having chocolate cake. I told Esme that if she kept feeding Tobias junk food he won't want to leave and she laughed. Esme mentioned that Renesmee did not like to eat human food very much. I knew the feeling when Tobias was younger he just wanted blood. I suggested to Esme that she used blood for side meals for Renesmee maybe even mix in some of the blood with the food. I offered to give Esme some recipes, when I thought about one of the earlier recipes I tried when my son was a young one. there was this time I tried to make Pizza and use blood to mix in with the tomato spice with oregano herbs and a little bit of sweet chilli sauce... when the food was done, Tobias took a reluctant bite and when he hated it he threw the slice of pizza to my face. i remembered the dirty look as the pizza fell off my face and it was all cheesy. My son just laughed his head off, he could get away with bloody murder and he knew it. I was brought out of my memory when Esme asked me how I thought to use both blood and human food. "his mother thought of it." I told her quietly, as soon as I brought Sarah up i regretted it, she has become a phantom in my life she haunts me and I have no doubt I will never get over her. I loved her with all my heart... I still do, but she never loved me that woman never even loved our son. I thought about her a lot... and I realized while that woman... she lied to me from the start, and I did the same, I lied to her and I was selfish I placed my needs above hers. I was selfish with her. The difference between us is I loved her... and I still do. I thought about that liar too much. I should be thinking what to say to Tanya... we had sex,but it didn't mean anything because I didn't love her. I knew that now the only problem was, I did not know what to do or say to Tanya. I needed advice and Esme was there the last time it was her husband who gave me insight on my son. I wondered if his wife could do the same, but then you know what they say behind every great man there has to be a great woman. So I told her everything. Emmett obviously overheard me as I could hear him snickering and whispering to rose "about time Tanya got to score." I frowned and Esme smiled telling me to ignore Emmett. Esme asked me about my feelings for Tanya and I told her I liked her as an individual, but that’s it. Esme was quiet for a moment as she placed the cake in the fridge and she told me "There are many types of love in this world Brian, some love is instant like it's destined... and some love takes time. It starts off as meeting someone, liking them as a friend, like turns into friendship, friendship turns into respect and respect will eventually turn into love... I believe that sleeping with Tanya was a way of your heart telling you, that you are ready to move on." I was in awe of Esme's wisdom and asked her what she would do if she were in my shoes. "Honestly I would go through everything you owned that belonged to Tobias' mother... keep what you want to pass on to Tobias and the rest you throw away make a new start Brian you deserve it." she spoke with a loving tone. The words of Esme well, it was incredible so sincere. I knew she was right, so I left The Cullens' and returned home to the box of her belongings and opened it up. Her scent immediately filled the air and brought me many memories of her. Inside the box there was a photo of us on top of her clothing I picked it up to look at the photo. and held it looking at the beauty of her... Just looking at a photo of her made me furious I threw it to the wall and watched as the glass shattered and the frame fell apart, I expected to see one photo fall to the ground with the shattered photo frame and glass, but there were two. I immediately found myself curious and walked to the broken frame and photos picking them both up, there was the first photo of us, but the second one... it took me by surprise. Two flashes entered my mind, both of them was of her. The first flashback I had was of myself asking her if she had a photo of her daughter Jayne, she told me she didn't. The second was a memory of the day she left where she told me she did not have a daughter, she made it up to lure me in so she could use me for my wealth. I looked at the photo of her, she looked so young in this photo and she looked happy with Jayne in her arms... I couldn't understand anything and when I looked on the back of the photo my eyes widen with shock with what I saw next... ~Brian Jacobson Hey yall it's Martin here, I decided to leave with a cliff hanger. lol. I am interested in seeing your theorys on what will happen, so feel free to post on the twilight diaries facebook group and let us know what you think is going to happen. I also want to wish you all a happy new years, have a happy and safe holiday. ~Martin Gubecka
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
InfoBrian Jacobson, Born as a slave fled from his cruel and evil masters who owned a mining company, after fleeing his masters Brian wat bitten by a vampire and made the change to becoming a vampire. In a newborn rage Brian killed his masters, fellow slaves even his family. After the newborn years Brian kept the mine and other lands of his masters and made it his own. Brian became cynical and did not believe in love, until he met Sarah Frost. Brian's Journal is written by Martin. Click here to read first entryArchives |